THE FREEMEN
Judge Joke 21
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,” he smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times.”
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,” he smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times.”
Judge Joke 22
Mr. Schneider stood up in court. “As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money.” Glaring down at him, the judge replied, “He’s not. I am. You do.”
Mr. Schneider stood up in court. “As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money.” Glaring down at him, the judge replied, “He’s not. I am. You do.”
Judge Joke 23
Judge to witness: “And where was the location of the accident?” Witness: “Approximately milepost 499.” Judge:: “And where is milepost 499?” Witness: “About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500.”
Judge to witness: “And where was the location of the accident?” Witness: “Approximately milepost 499.” Judge:: “And where is milepost 499?” Witness: “About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500.”
Judge Joke 24
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can’t they do without you at work? Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can’t they do without you at work? Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.
Judge Joke 25
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: “Why can appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?” The devil answered: “We have all of the judges.”
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: “Why can appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?” The devil answered: “We have all of the judges.”
Judge Joke 26
At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, “State your name, occupation, and the charge.” The defendant said, “I am Sparks, I am an electrician, charged with battery.” The judge winced and said, “Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!”
At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, “State your name, occupation, and the charge.” The defendant said, “I am Sparks, I am an electrician, charged with battery.” The judge winced and said, “Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!”
Judge Joke 27
Who is the most powerful ghoul? Judge Dread.
Who is the most powerful ghoul? Judge Dread.
Judge Joke 28
When is an English teacher like a judge? When she hands out long sentences.
When is an English teacher like a judge? When she hands out long sentences.
Judge Joke 29
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn’t true. “I am as sober as you are, your honor,” the man claimed. The judge replied, “Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.”
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn’t true. “I am as sober as you are, your honor,” the man claimed. The judge replied, “Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.”
Judge Joke 30
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, “Boy, you are in trouble. I am a lawyer!” The driver looked out his window and said, “No, you are in trouble. I am a judge.”
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, “Boy, you are in trouble. I am a lawyer!” The driver looked out his window and said, “No, you are in trouble. I am a judge.”
Judge Joke 31
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.” The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked. “They are people just like you your equals.” “Forget it,” retorted the defendant. “I don’t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.”
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.” The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked. “They are people just like you your equals.” “Forget it,” retorted the defendant. “I don’t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.”
Judge Joke 32
What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? Answer: Odor, Odor in the court!!!
What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? Answer: Odor, Odor in the court!!!
Judge Joke 33
How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.
How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.
Judge Joke 34
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Judge Joke 35
A social activist, a garbage collector and a Judge would up at the Gates of Heaven. God informed them that in order to get inside, they would each have to answer one question.
So, he addressed the social activist and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They also make a movie about it."
The social activist answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." God let him through the Gate.
He then turned to the garbage man and figuring heaven didn't really need all the odours that this guy would bring him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.
"That's right! You may enter."
God then turned his attention to the Judge. "Name them."
A social activist, a garbage collector and a Judge would up at the Gates of Heaven. God informed them that in order to get inside, they would each have to answer one question.
So, he addressed the social activist and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They also make a movie about it."
The social activist answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." God let him through the Gate.
He then turned to the garbage man and figuring heaven didn't really need all the odours that this guy would bring him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.
"That's right! You may enter."
God then turned his attention to the Judge. "Name them."
Judge Joke 36
Judge Joke 37
Daddy plays piano in a house of prostitution;-
The judge frowned at the tired robber and
said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?”
”Yes, your honor.”
“And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a
dress.”
The judge check with his records, “But it
says here you broke in three nights in a row!”
“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”
Judge Joke 37
A man was forced to take a day off from work
to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited
hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the
afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be
adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next
day.
"What for?!?!?" he snapped at the
judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and
sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's
why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet,
the judge relented:
"That's all right. You don't have to pay
now."
The young man replied, "I know. But I'm
just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
Judge Joke 38
The drunken defendant appears yet again
before the tired judge, who says, "You have been constantly appearing
before me for the past twenty years." Replied the drunk: "Can I help
it if you can't get promoted?"
Judge Joke 39
Daddy plays piano in a house of prostitution;-
A grade school teacher was
asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be
first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood
up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful.
How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up,
scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
Thank you, Amy," said
the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy stood up and proudly
announced, "My daddy plays piano in a house of prostitution."
The teacher was aghast and
promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's
house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher
explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father
said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a
seven-year-old?"
Judge Joke 40
What is similarity between Bollywood and Judiciary? Both are ‘Family private limited’.
Apologies to all who may feel offended by some truth hidden in the 'jokes'
Kapil Dev Aggarwal
No comments:
Post a Comment